Could it be that the semester is coming to a close?
That my boyfriend is graduating in two weeks?
That I should be graduating too?
Is it that the pressure of everything seems to be too much?
I often catch myself with unrealistic expectations in my head to be "perfect" at everything. If I am not perfect then I automatically feel down on myself. It is something that I find I cannot control and the feeling comes without warning, driving me deeper and deeper into my head and into a depressed mood. It is nothing short of a vicious cycle of which I find myself desperate to escape.
When I really take time to think about it I wonder how long I had been living in this cycle all day everyday without paying it any attention. This depression had become my new norm and I thought that was just how I was meant to feel. After battling depression I now know just how happy I can truly be, and let me tell you, its pretty darn good.
Although the past 8 months have been filled with many many challenges they have also been filled with more happiness and emotion than I have ever felt before. I feel less foggy and more passionate. I love better and feel as though I am worthy of the love I receive.
And then there are days like today...
It seems that the lows are now magnified because I am aware of how amazing the highs feel. I long to have those feelings back but on days like today they feel out of reach.
Of all the obstacles i'v overcome, dealing with days like today is one that I have not yet mastered. But I am hopeful that sooner rather than later I will learn to deal with the lows gracefully and remember that these moments of weakness are only temporary.
After all, at some point the goodness of the world and the sweetness of love will come creeping back upon you.
I would not trade my progress and happiness for the world.
A happier, healthier me. March 2014
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